im lost

in and icy hell

suffering and cold

in an empty shell

sliding down the ragged slope

deeper and deeper down i go

help me Lord ive lost all hope

nothing i what ive left to show

daggers of ice piercing my skin

you said, "hold onto me, i wont let you fall"

grasping you fingers, how painful its been

slowly i slip, losing it all

God please help me

dont let me die

why cant you see

everytime i cry

but one last task

i must complete

one dear girl

so special and sweet

i said i'd catch her

i wont let her fall

i cant let her die

and lose it all

yet how can i save

one so close to my heart

if i cant even escape

the hell in which i take part

i hold onto her hand

and i give You mine

we will stay in your land

for all of time

my soul you bought

and returned to me

the Devil i fought

so i could be free

and yet sometimes

i get the inkling

that Satan in pulling

and im slowly sinking

ive caught that girl

i broke her fall

who's to say

im hers to call?

it's over now

so what the hell

i must return

to my icy cell

About me:
Name: i prefer wan-chan thank you very much
Birthday: April 13,1991
Birthplace: New Brunswich...i think
Current Location: Montgomery...
Eye Color: brownish...changes sometimes to REALLY dark brown then to light brown...@_@;; stoopid eyes...
Hair Color: black...
Height: ::sniffle:: this is NOT fair...5 ft...damn you all....

Right Handed or Left Handed: Right
Your Heritage: chinese. BOOYAH AZN PRIDE
The Shoes You Wore Today: nike sneakers...
Your Weakness: pshhhhhh like i would tell you that
Your Fears: losing to an enemy/rival
Your Perfect Pizza: i cant think of food right now...or imma puke...
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: ...im too stupid for that

Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: fuck you

Thoughts First Waking Up: crap another day in hell
Your Best Physical Feature: none...
Your Bedtime: bedtime? what bedtime?
Your Most Missed Memory: being happy
Pepsi or Coke: Coke
MacDonalds or Burger King: im gonna puke....x.x;;
Single or Group Dates: dates?!?!?! whaaaaaaaaaaa
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: ...both?
Chocolate or Vanilla: Vanilla
Cappuccino or Coffee: Coffee
Do you Smoke: HELL NO

Do you Swear: WHAT THE FUCKING HELL MAKES YOU THINK THAT BITCH??? I DONT FUCKING CURSE...well maybe just a little...

Do you Sing: i cannot sing...nooooooooooo...but i do anyway

Do you Shower Daily: no shit sherlock...what you sayin i smell or sumthing?

Have you Been in Love: hmph...such an unsuitable question but yeah
Do you want to go to College: dont have much of a choice do i...so yeah
Do you want to get Married: WHA??? well...maybe...
Do you belive in yourself: lets see...just as much as i'd trust lesley and amy to give me a haircut SO HELLZ NO
Do you get Motion Sickness: not often
Do you think you are Attractive: BULLSHIT...NO!!
Are you a Health Freak: no???
Do you get along with your Parents: we fight....EVERY FUCKING DAY...YAH THINK I GET ALONG WIT EM???

Do you like Thunderstorms: heh heh heh...KABOOM
Do you play an Instrument: GO PIANO!!!!!!!!!!!...oh yeah and flute which sux
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: ohohoho...=]
In the past month have you Smoked: I CANT STAND SMOKE...
In the past month have you been on Drugs: hmmmmmmmmm...depends what you call "drugs"...xDDD just kiddin...
In the past month have you gone on a Date: no
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: i am such a depreved child
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: no
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: WHAT DO YOU THINK BITCH???
In the past month have you been on Stage: ::sniffle:: ONLY BOUT 50 TIMES...damn piano recitals...
In the past month have you been Dumped: i dont think so....
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: HELL NO
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: AGAIN HELL NO...
Ever been Drunk: WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM???... i drink...I DONT GET DRUNK!!! xDDD
Ever been called a Tease: call me that and die...
Ever been Beaten up: im ususally the one that does the beating...heh heh heh....
Ever beaten someone up: WHAT THE HELL....OF COURSE
Ever Shoplifted: ...no comment here ^ _ ^
How do you want to Die: by sword

What do you want to be when you Grow Up: sniper...or serial killer...or perhaps torturer of some sort...xDD jk
What country would you most like to Visit: japan obviously

In a Guy..
Favourite Eye Color: green, blue, or gray

Favourite Hair Color: i dont care.,..as long as its not pink or some other freaky color
Short or Long Hair: short
Height: taller than me?

Weight: doesnt matter

Best Clothing Style: something black
Number of Drugs I have taken: 0
Number of CDs I own: too lazy to get up and look
Number of Piercings: 2...ears...
Number of Tattoos: I WISH
Number of things in my Past I Regret: everything

thanks joey for this quizzy mer bober thing ^ _ ^

again i lose

again im too late

again i cant choose

my own FUCKING FATE

everytime you call my name

every time i see your face

i feel the everlasting shame

i know that its a hopeless case

What the hell do i do

where do i lay the blame

if only i knew

its all one fucking game

it's you who hurts me

you who makes me cry

it's you who deserts me

and makes me wonder why

tell me what i should do

tell me where i should run

tell me who i can turn to

when i cant see the sun

i want to forget

i want to let go

im so upset

but i cant let it show

i need to die

i want to kill

i cannot cry

I WILL, I FUCKING WILL

thanks to those of you who left comments...and yea i did write these so naturally they ARE copywrited...heh heh heh...

what the fuck

did i ever do to you

why the hell

dont you have a clue

i want to know you

to teach

you when you dont understand

to reach

out when you're pain

but you turn away

you make a hole

inside of me

you kill my soul

you shove me down

YOU CAUSE MY ECHOING SCREAMS

you push me around

YOU KILL MY MOST PRECIOUS DREAMS

im sick

SICK OF ALL THIS SHIT

sick

SICK OF EVERY FUCKING BIT

so leave me ALONE

just let me BE

im letting you KNOW

YOU WONT FUCKING BREAK ME!

they just dont know

the pain i feel inside

they just dont get

how hard i fucking try

why cant they feel

the hollowness that lingers?

why cant they see

the pain, ...beyond my fingers?

why do they act

like they know my personality?

before they get to understand

what shit's happened to me

they think they have the right

to tell me what to do

they think that i...

am just like the rest of you

they fucking judge me

before they even know

before they even see

that final, killing blow

command me

hate me

hurt me

kill me

but they dont understand

they will never understand

they cant understand

YOU DONT FUCKING UNDERSTAND

again and again...

they call my name

telling me,

screaming in my head

grabbing my sanity away,

stealing my soul

bloody claws...

raking down my face

black holes

sucking away my soul

these tears of mine

they have no meaning

emotions dont matter...

to this black,

empty heart

oh my dead soul...

blindly running

into the arms of Death

sighing relief

goodbye my soul

pain

an addiction

that helpless feeling

i want it

pain

behind the fake smile

a mask of torment

sheds tears of blood

pain 

like a drug

like ecstacy

like pleasure

release

pain

you soothe me

i'll embrace you

overtake me

pain

goodbye

im so old now...

to kill list:

albert

dan

tony

koppa

gina (i hate that bitch)

andy

mr. varhley (or however the hell u spell his name)

brenda (THATNK GOD SHE MOVED)

connie (just cuz i hate her)

other pplz...the list goes on....

ah yea....spring break

but i have 2...no wait a min...3 projects due...

sux for the damned teachers cuz its springbreak and they can all juss kiss my ass

gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

so bored...TT^TT wahhhhhhh

PLEASE READ THIS

A TRUE STORY ABOUT TWO FAMILIES FIGHTING OVER ONE DAUGHTER

Jack and Casey He are the biological parents of 6 yr old Anna Mae. Jack came to America on to study at University of Memphis. He was formerly an english professor in China but came to the U.S. on a student visa. He returned to China to marry Casey who did not speak nor understand English. Afterwards, Jack returned to America along with his wife Casey when her visa had been approved. She became pregnant afterwards.

Jack revieved a full scholarship and a work/study job as a computer assistant. But soon, Jack was approached by another chinese woman who asked him for academic help. Jack agreed, but when he went to help her, she asked him to loan her some money ($500). But he too was finacially unstable and could not help her. instead he told his pastor about it who paid the woman a visit. That same woman filed charges against Jack for 'sexual assault'. Jack claims to be innocent. But he lost his work.study job at the university all the same.

Casey always believed Jack to be faithful and never doubted him.The baby's due date was approaching so the couple sat down with a birth-parent counselor at Christian services that offered short term foster care. The He's never wanted to put the baby up for adoption; all they wanted was for someone to care for the child until they could afford to care for the baby themselves. To their bad luck, Anna Mae (the baby girl) was born one month premature and her parents had to face the $12,000 hospital bill along with their living expenses. Since they had limited employment prospects, they could not afford to take care of the child.

Jerry and Louise Baker came to the couples aid. Or so they thought. The Bakers had formerly cared for ten infants and agreed to take care of Anna Mae as well. The He's would visit once a week. it appeared to be a good thing...at the time.

"I thought the Bakers had noble hearts and minds," Casey says in Chinese as Jack translates. "but from the moment i handed over the baby, i was crying".

but the student accuser from before, took her case to the police and accused Jack of sexual assault. Jack was arrested and he was aslo expelled from school, his sudent visa - canceled.

But the foster care progam was set for 90 days and would soon expire and the He's still did not have the money and finacial stability to care for Anna Mae. they claim that the Bakers offered to care for Anna Mae out of the kindness in their hearts. but the Bakers in turn claimed the opposite. They denied ever making such an offer. The Bakers claimed they were willed to either adopt Anna Mae or give her back to her birth parents completely.

Jack and Casey never intended to give up Anna Mae. The Bakers would take care of their daughter until she truned 18. They said the He's agreed. but the He's say they never agreed to such a thing.

They took the case to court. In the end the Bakers and He's both had sacrificed much. But in the end, the judge decide the Bakers were to have the child and the He's were never allowed to visit their birth daughter. NEVER NOT ONE SINGLE TIME.

i see this as completely unfair. Jack and Casey He are Anna Mae's birth parents, they have every right to have their daughter back. but instead they are forbidden to even visit her.

Anna's parents are trying to establish a website that will tell her story. This is a quote from Jack "When she is older, Anna Mae will wonder why her parents gave her up when she was a baby and why they stay away from her now. But one day she will find our Web Site and discover that her parents did not abandon her and that we fought very hard for her return. We will not be able to come to her, but someday she will knock on our door, She will come to us."

If you support Casey and Jack He's case as i do, please copy and paste this on your Xanga as well.

Thank You

uh.........thought id say hi to everyone.....cuz...i feel like it...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

eat lotsa fired rice!!!!!!!!!!!!

azn pride

gong xi fa chai.....hong bao na lai!!!!!!

sheng ti jian kang!!!!!!!

"i never could have seen this far

i never could have seen this coming

its seems like my world's falling apart

yea

why is everything so hard

i dont think i could deal with the things you said

they just wont go away

in a perfect world

this could never happen

in a perfect world

youd still be here

and it makes no sense

that i could just pick up the pieces

but to you

in means nothing

nothing at all

i used to think that i was strong

until the day that it all went wrong

i think i need a miracle to make it through

yea

 i wish that i could bring you back

i wish that i could turn back time

cuz i cant let go

just cant find my way

yea

without you i just cant find my way

in a perfect world this could never happen

in a perfect world youd still be here

and it makes no sense

i could just pick up the pieces

but to you

this means nothing

nothing at all

i dont know what i should now

i dont know where i should go

im still here waiting for you

im lost when you're not around

i need to hold onto you

i just cant let you go

yea

yea

in a perfect world this could never happen

in a perfect world youd still be here

and it makes no sense

that i could just pick up the pieces

but to you

it means nothing

nothing at all

you feel nothing

nothing at all

nothing at all"

- simple plan

havent been on in a while....wow...........

 ITS SNOWING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MWAHAHAHHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHA!!! FINALLY ADDED THE AWESOMENESS BACKROUND MUSIC!!!! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEA

JON CHING SUX...LMFAO

WHAT A FUCKING RETARD

nuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu ::sniffle:: ::tear tear::

the world hates me

and i hate the world

you are the "I hate you so bad" happy bunny. You hate everyone and eveything and your not ashamed of it.

hate almost everyone and everything...ALMOST

OHAYO MINNA-SAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

::sigh::.....being hyper is not good for me ^ _ ^ oh well!

so bored....day after christmas wit no one to talk to....i think i'll create a play...about my good friends and enemies...i'll disguise their names so they dont assasinate me later...

::    :: ------> action

'     ' --------> thoughts

chibi-chan: ::sees piggy-sama walking by::

piggy-sama:: ::sigh:: ::kicks pebble::

chibi-chan: ::Gasp:: OoOoOoOh PIIIIIIIIIIIGGY-SAMA! Neil...ER I MEAN ORANGUTAN WAS CHECKING YOU OUT!!!!!!!

wan-chan (me...ur most hated host) : CHIBI NO BAKA! ::smacks chibi's head:: STAY IN CHARACTER!!! AND GET THE NAMES STRAIGHT!!...ITS ORANGUTAN NOT NEIL!!! HE'LL KILL BOTH OF US LATER!!!

chibi-chan: o-o-o-ok...::sniffles innocently::

audience: ::gasp:: how could you smack such an innocent child!! ::gasp::

wan-chan: ::glares at audience and unsheathes sword::

audience: ::SILENCE::

wan-chan: good good...now back to the play

orangutan: 'if only if only piggy-sama would notice me...' ::steals piggy-sama's food:: ::runs away::

piggy-sama: HEY! give me back my food!! YOU KNOW I CANT LIVE WITHOUT YOU ORANGUTAN!!! ...oops..I MEAN THE FOOD DAMMIT THE FOOD!! I CANT LIVE WITHOUT THE FOOD!!!

chibi-chan and vanni-chan: awwwwwwwwwwww...young love...

yami-chan: feh...who needs that...'what a stupid idea...yet somehow...interestingly funny'

einstein: ::sigh:: 'yami-chan...my beautiful yami-chan'

wan-chan: einstein...i can read minds you know....

einstein: ::squeals like a pig getting slaughtered::

piggy-sama: OY! WHATS THAT MEAN!!!

wan-chan: heh heh heh...

einstein: please please please don't tell yami-chan!! she'll hate me forever!!

yami-chan: ::appears from behind:: ..i already hate you...now...you shall die....

einstein: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! ::runs away screaming like a little girl::

little girls around the world: HEY STOP INSULTING OUR SCREAMING...ITS NOT THAT HIGH PITCHED AND DISGUSTING!!!

wan-chan: woops...sorry...::changes::

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

::sigh:: i have no life....

MWAHAHAHAHA imma be evil and give you all another quiz!!!!

1. full name including middle if ya got one. heh heh heh...

2. stupidest thing you have ever done

3. scale of 1 to 10 (1 worst, 10 best) how crazy/insane/retarded/stupid am i...?

4. your personal best feature

MY ANSWERS

1. Grace Huang...no middle name

2. hmmmmm...theres alota those...maybe i'll tell you...haha

3. dunno...10?

4. nothing

i smell blood

i taste blood

i see blood

i want blood

there will be bloodshed

tonight

GAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.....

THE PICTURES ARE SO SCARY!!!!!!!!! KAWAI DESU!!!!!!!.......

WHY AM I WEARING A TANK TOP?!?!?!...AND CAPRIS....i should wear a sweater and pants...><

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

im broke...no money...wahhhhhhhhhhh...

spent on christmas shopping...::tear tear::

::sigh:: ah well....

i think i'll go die now

iichi. if you could use one word to describe yourself what would it be?

nii. if you could have any one thing in the entire world what would it be?

san. if you had to describe me in one word, what would that word be...?

my answers...

iichi. hmmmmmmmmmm...describe myself...? uh...probably baka

ni. kawaii-chan

san....hmmmm...dunno

since i havent been online in a relatively long time...

wasup with all of you peoples who read my blog...(which is like one person...>< oyo) but anyway

PM me or leave FB ^ _ ^ thankie

remember *dont get eaten by piggy-sama ohohohohohoho

why do i feel so happy when nothing is alright?

hey everyone...thanks to all those you left feedback

im back...kinda sorta...

i wasnt on in a long time cuz my parents...cut off the internet...so i couldn't get on...::cries::

anywhos...if i dont update its cuz of that yea...

missed ya all

all alone

in the darkness

cold

isolated

broken

why

why this life

why this world

why this place

who am i

cannot find her

she ran away

far away

gone

forever

crying

screaming

sobbing

pain

agony

death

alone

just tomorrow i have a

social studies binder check

science test

spanish test

2000 words LA report due (which i didnt even start yet)

so basically...im screwed

i will kill koppa

i will go to his house at night

i will kidnap him

i will brutally murder him

i will erase all trace of myself

and i will have fun doing it

Camp Mason was awesome!!!!!!

there was this one event that was really cool and yea

first you had to walk up a slanted tree wit only a harness on...then you were like 30 sumthin feet up in the air...and you had to walk across a really really thin wire holding onto nothing!!!!

then you had to walk across a ladder bridge thingie (remember still 30 ft in da air!!! ><'')

then another super ultra thin wire...AND THEN THE AWESOMENESS ZIP LINE!!! it was freaky awesome!!!

AND I DIDNT FALL AT ALL!!!! WOOOOOO

anywhos....it was awesome

except for the part where i really really missed sumone...

average day today as usual...

went to class nearly fell asleep

went to jazz band prac.

beat up some guys...(hee hee ^ _ ^...not too badly)

and went home...woooooooo

i cried today, for the first time in the longest time

Leave

sometimes i wish

that it would all go away

wishing

hoping

praying

for a tranquilizer

for a way out

of this darkness

away from the

pain

and emptiness of my soul

i want to live

i want to die

please let me get better

please let me sicken

i want to leave

get away

from here

run away

away from myself

away from my cold lifeless soul

screaming

sobbing

crying

crashing

a gnawing emptiness

echoes in my chest

i want to leave

i want to be me

somewhere

when i can finally

stop this insanity

get away from this emptiness

leave

You..are definitely not a smile.In fact,if i asked you to smile you'd probably punch me in the face.You're angry and bitter about something,but no one knows what because you get violent when people ask questions.Sheesh.

so true ... ::punch::

Your just like my brother Sesshomaru Evil and Stubborn. You always have to be the best. A full dog demon not a mix. You only care about power and power basecailly.     yea...

Your a Dark Dragon! Ok, yes, not very nice. Your evil, spiteful, malicious, and jus darn bad. You like to see others in pain, or cause it. Im sorry to say, but you scare me. Fly around somewhere...err, far away.                   yea...very true...

more quiz results...:

Darkness - You hide behind a mask and try to block out all emotion, you arnt very explorative and are genrally a loner, you hate wasting time on stupid stuff, you have lots of energy..

dats my element and so very true

You represent... anger. Mad at the world, eh? You have a tendency to... freak out easily. Overly emotional about everything, you're most prone to bouts of cruelty and moodiness. Other people may be afraid of the fact that you explode so easily, but at least you're honest... even if you're honest about not liking anything.

so so true

My Utimate pet peeves:

1. when ur eating something and its almost inside ur mouth and it falls off of the chopsticks/fork/spoon/watever

2. when teachers assume you didnt do ur homework, but you really did do it only you really did leave it at home

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr and yah...thats not all tho....

just got back from jazz band...

i have a solo for piano...yay...

i need to kill something...  

....or something

so true

i will kill my stupid science teacher....

i actually studied for that test!!! it was so friggin easy!!!

i didnt even NEED to study dammit!!!!!

complete and total waste of my time...

GUESS WAT ALL????? IM FAILING SCHOOL!!!

i have like 70's and 80's....>< NOOOOOOOOOOOO

 i hate school....i get such bad grades....><

MUST GET ABOVE 95's!!!!!!

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