Well, I was talking with one of my friends yesterday. His name is Espen. He lives in Norway, and just got engaged recently. Now, I should probably charge him for getting engaged because this is the second or third time he's done so since I've known him.
Though there is a difference this time around. He's engaged to a man instead.* His fiance's name is Dylan, and is German. I've only seen a couple of pictures if him, but he's rather effeminate for "the man" of the relationship.
Dylan is moving up to Norway August 15th, though they're holing off the wedding till next year. Apparently, this is so they can wait for Espen's little brother to be confirmed into the church.* I'm guessing the church frowns on gay marriages.
From what I've discerned, Espen has been gay for awhile, but was hiding it from himself as well as everyone else. He had a beard in high school to do that. I don't know when the switch happened, but Dylan wasn't his first boyfriend. He's come out to his parents, separately because they are divorced.
I bring him up because we also talked about other things.
One was me going up to Alberta to visit Jess. He is very much for it. He also [inadvertently] gave me the idea of trains. I checked out Amtrak, and from here to Toronto is only $83USD. So I can get there and go WestJet to Edmonton. We'll see what Jess says.
Another was my biggest problem with going to Edmonton. It not money, its not fear that Jess is a white slave merchant, but its telling my parents I want to go. This is such a problem because of the other two things, but also because I want to go up there for sex. Its not like I'm going tell them, but that's still in the back of my head.
Espen suggested to just come out and tell them I want to go "to find love." He said that my parents would understand and be fine with it. His speech actually made me smile and cry at the same time. It was actually very convincing. I nearly did (almost subconsciously) a couple of times today. It will happen, but not now.
One of the other things that we talked about was shaving. For some reason the Norwegians are obsessed with shaving. Shaving the groin is taught in their sex ed as its cleaner and harder to get crabs. He was telling me to do it, and so did Jess, so if/when I go I figure I will. Though as Espen has started wearing skirts, he's started full body shaving. Says he's cooler now without the hair holding the sweat. He also showed me his razor (a Gillette Fusion) and proceded to demo it. That was a little disturbing as he did it without shaving cream. I don't know how he manages that. I also told him about Veet***, which he now thinks is the greatest thing ever.
So yeah, I'm not shaving anything I'm not already shaving (my face) unless I have reason to, (bubblegum in it or sex, I can't think of anything else.) I still need to tell my parents about going to Jess's, though I doubt (less so now) that my sexuality will come into play.
I think there was something else, but I forget.
*Note: Same sex marriage is legal in Norway.
**The [Lutheran] Church of Norway is no longer a part of the state, and as such most Norwegians are not particularly religious. They do like money however, and they get a lot of it for their confirmation. Espen got the Kroner equivalent of $4,800USD for his.
***http://www.veet.com/
Well, I've got something new for you today. I bought a butt plug. For those who don't know what it is, it is a thing of rubber or latex that is shaped conical shafe that narrows near the base and has a wide, flat base at the bottom. Basicly it goes it and the narrow part is right at the mussle and the base keeps it from going all the way in.
Kinda like this:
^
/
/ | ---
Now, I've been thinking about this for awhile now. I just now got the courage to go get it today though. I had orginally thought about getting it throught the mail, but I really didn't want my parents opening up the package, (which the did do with my thexbooks from Amazon.) So then I thought about getting a PO box from the Post office. That was $40 for six months though and only takes mail, no UPS or Fedex. And a mailbox at the UPS Store was even more expensive for a shorter time.
So that left me with buying from a store. Finding a store took awhile, the cloeset one I knew of was in Medina, which is a 45 minute drive one was. So then I setteled on an Ambiance which was closer.
Now, I got to the building once and turned away from my "pussying out" that I'm known for. Well today I finally got the nerve to go in.
I was suprised, the women there (there were three) were all very nice (as per the usual clerk) and hefty. I have nothing against this (they actually looked better than most sticks) so I went in, they helped me get what I wanted and what was needed to use it, (lube and cleaner) and left.
Now that was a nice experience... Aside from the anexiety. I get it from time to time and I think it is in part why I'm antisocial. My heart is still rapidly beating. I'm a nervous wreck now. What would be nice is to not have this and I think I'd be better off and may get a girlfriend. Hell, I wouldn't mind one of the girls there. Bet they've got some kink in them.
I'll post exactly what I got latter, I've got to go to work now. Hope I feel better.
Update:
I'm home from work now for awhile and I got my first chance to use it. It worked different than I expected. For one, it doesn't stop at the narrow part. The thing is completely inside me now. Its a little bizarre. I can feel it, but its not bad. I can feel the widest part of it in me pressing outward, but it doesn't hurt. I havent used the vibration function yet since it makes noise (think a phone vibrating, I think vibrators are where they got the technology for cell phones) and people are still awake, I don't want them wondering what that noise is. That's going on in a few minutes. I'm allready going to see if I can sleep with it.
Right now I'm enjoying the heck out of this. Best $18 I've spent in a long time.
First off I want to say that if this one and the previous one sound a
little cold and/or dry, its because I've allready went through them in
my head and the fire's kinda went out.
I'm still chatting with
the guy. For what I know of him, which is very little even by Internet
standards, he seems pretty nice. the one thing I want to know though
is what the hell does he do. It seems like every time I go online he's
on, be it 5PM or 2AM. He almost always say hi before MSN even has a
chance to display on my screen too.
Background
I
figure I should give a bit more background. While my hesitation to
meet does stem from my general paranoia of the Internet and the fact
that there is no way for me to drive there and back in one day,
(forcing it to be an overnight thing,) there is one other concern.
This is not my first Relationship like this on the Internet I'll abet
the last one was a woman though. Girl really. If you were on Dragid
between August 05- August 06, you probably know her. Her SN was "Moon."
Back
in the summer of '05, I gave a helpful feedback to everyone on Dragid
on how to personalize their site. This was before the overwhelming
popularity of Myspace that teaches this. So I gave it to one girl and
she PMed me back and thanked me, but she still had problems doing what
I suggested. So it started out with me helping her. then one day I
was on AIM at school (we had moved there because it was faster than PM)
and she came on to me during what would have been class. I say would
have been because class had been canceled and I didn't know, so I
worked on homework with another guy there. I said something like "not
now" and got back on that night.
What followed over the next
week or two was her attempts to get me to cyber. She eventually got me
to. This being the best relationship I've had with a woman, (sadly to
this day it remains so,) I was pretty happy. She started to be on
less, (her phone with AIM on it died or something is what she told me,)
so she was on less. So fast forward to That spring where we had a
fight on Dragid's chatroom. I forget what it was about, but our
relationship was always strained after that.
Enter Hisoka
Kurasia. This was her name after Moon was banned from the forums.
While I was fine with this, if no one else on Dragid, a duality started
to emerge in her. Moon, which she still made blogs on, was different
than Hisoka. I never noticed at the time.
Enter Divinity. I
later learned that Divinity was an alternate name for Moon, who acted
differently on the forums. Actually, I think I was the last to figure
it out, and it was the hard way. I was on AIM in one of my few chats
now with Moon, when Divinity pops up. Then I notice that Moon knew
stuff that I had just told Div. I had thought that they were talking
behind my back, but then one of my other friends showed me a blog of
one of Moon's friends who said that Moon, Hisoka, and Divinity were all
the same person. (my friend also said that she thought that Moon's
friend might also be her.) that pissed me off. We haven't talked much
sense.
You can still see signs of Moon on my journal at Dragid
though. The title bar, the Banner at the top, even the chatterbox are
still connected to her.
So all in all I had a very bad
experience with people lying through their fucking asses to me on the
Internet that I though were close.
Present
So
now we come back to my e-boyfriend. All I "really" know about him is
his age, roughly where he lives, (I thought of checking to see if
there were prisons around there...) one picture he sent which he admits
is old and not very good, that he collects Transformers and Power
Ranger Megazords (nerdy even for me) and his cell phone number. Yeah,
I have his number. Haven't called him yet, though I am going to add it
to my address book after I'm done with this. (I'm bad with using the
cell phone)
I don't know his name (the picture said Jim) what he
does (not college, that's for sure) Why he doesn't drive, or even if
he lives with his parents still. Given, I haven't told him and I think
I've alluded that I don't, but still. Overall, he knows much more
about me than I do of him.
Still, I've thought about meeting
him. I have the way too. In a month or so there is a Linux-con in
Columbus. I'm a part of my college's ACM (Academy of Computer
Machining) club. The Con is free, (if anyone wants to or is going to
go, let me know so we can meet up if I go) so all we need is to get
there and back and pay for rooms (its over two days) I thought I could
go to it and get my own room and invite him up. I guess if the sex
doesn't work out, the con would still be cool to go to.
Illicit hotel sex in the nerdiest possible way, huh?
So...
that was my thought. I dunno if I'll do it, (still not convinced if
I'm gay or Bi, though Po-ju does get me off) if for no other reason
other than I'm a lame fuck who always backs down. That and I don't
know if I trust him. There are some demented fuckers out there...
So... thoughts? Opinions? Pie? I'm open to suggestion here.
Firstly, I'm posting here because now this is no longer my main blog. I can post here and not have people read this that I don't want to for the most part.
So here we go...
Intro
Four days ago now I was contacted via PM a guy at a site I mod who asked if "I wanted to be friends." Well, he seems ok from the few posts he made there, so I said sure, why not. He asked to IM me and I gave him my MSN.
Background
Before I go on, I'd like to say that in his intro (pretty much the only thing he posted on that site) he said he liked Yaoi, Shota, and particularly Po-Ju. For those who don't know, Yaoi is Male-Male Hentai. Hentai also is anime porn. Shota is one or more males that are underage. Also such drawings are legal via US code as long as no reference is used. Po-Ju is a shota artist whom is excellent and draws extremely effeminate boys and young men, umm, "unclothed." I happen to have posted a large collection of such pictures on said site.
Po-ju, shota, and yaoi are a recent thing for me. About a year ago last March, but only kind of majorly recently. At first it was some of the few straight Po-ju pictures, and then I started getting more and more Po-ju because I liked the artists. At first it was for what the women (then themselves) doing things with objects. From there it progressed.
Now, I have not moved from the drawn world to the real world yet. For one real underage anything doesn't appeal to me at all (I didn't want to date any underclassmen when I was a senior in high school, not that I've dated anyone ever) and two men just don't look like that outside of Japan.
Back to the guy who PMed me.
So as I said I gave him my MSN. As soon as I turned MSN on, bam, he contacted me. First he said he was sitting under a tree, and then when I shrugged (in real life) I sat down next to him. He “–put his arms around me-“ BTW I switched the perspective to mine, so he said me then you. And it went on a bit like that then we BSed a little bit.
This is where it is kinda creepy. He’s 22 (near 23), male, and lives in southern Ohio. Why is that creepy you ask? Well I’m just 22, male, and live in northern Ohio. He said I seemed Ohioan. I don’t know why it’s creepy, it just seems to me. I’m leery of people on the Internet in general, but I dunno, men seem worse in my mind. Too many 40+ year old creepy men around on the net.
Another thing that’s creepy to me is he asked to meet. Like the first day. And every time we talked afterward. Today he asked if I could come there because “he doesn’t drive.” Meeting someone on the net just seems way too wrong. Especially for a 3 hour drive. You just know that would have to be an all nighter, not just a “visit.” Even if he could go half way to Columbus or something, for one that would be common in that neither of us live there, and two, a four hour drive I could pull off.
Aside from the fact that someone I barely know from the internet is trying meet up with me, the whole concept still seems wrong. By the way, if you haven’t figured out the concept by now, its gay sex. I mean, I still like and want a woman, but this has my interest for some reason. Hell, I’m getting a hard-on just writing this. I honestly don’t get it. I don’t get why, but it does. He even sent a picture of who he is supposed to be, and he just gets a 5/10. Yet I’m hard.
So all in all I’m confused, mildly creeped out, yet fairly interested, and horny.
