Current Background Music : Otep - "Buried Alive"

Current Mood : Happy, but missing Dez

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Well for those of you who don't already know...This is going to be my last entry with this name..after this you can find my new journal at the name "ODIUM" I'm still on dragid I just felt that Odium was a better name for me.  So I've spent the whole weekend with Dez..[Sigh] I love her so much..I fell faster than a fat man can sit down. But it just feels right.  I'm not expecting anyone to understand, and I'm expecting to be judged like always. But that wont change how I feel, so don't waste your time, and just trust me.  

Anyways There is nothing really new with me I've pretty much just been hangin around, mostly with my baby Dez.. Alright enough boring you..go add ODIUM to your friends list NOW cause that' is my new journal 

Current Background Music : Otep - "Buried Alive"

Current Mood :

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For some reason I feel like Fighting.  I just want to destroy someone.  Make them bleed.

Okay..that's out of the way now..So what are my plans for today? Not a fucking clue.  I'm about to go take a shower, try to clean my room up a little bit cause I guess people are coming over - Like always *shrugs*..as long as Dez is one of them, I have not a problem. 

Current Background Music : Otep - "Buried Alive"

Current Mood : Chillin'

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Can't get that stupid saying out of my head..anyways... Today was a fairly great day for me. Despite the fact that I felt fatigued ALL DAY.  But I got to spend almost the whole day with my baby Dez.. It was extremely nice.  I love spending time with her,especially long periods of time. I got me some TLC (Tender love & Care) Always appreciated. Every time I see her it's like ...I'm just in awe.  She's great..not quite as great as me. But the next best thing .  Well I'm actually gonna try to actually go to sleep before 1 a.m. 

DEZ!!...I love you and miss you..

Current Background Music : Otep - "Buried Alive"

Current Mood : [S.I.C.K.T.O.M.Y.S.T.O.M.A.C.H]

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"You Must Lead If they get me. On my Command....BREAK FREEE!" - OTEP -"Warhead"

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     I haven't written in here in awhile, Been occupied with guests that fill my home.  What would be new with me?  Well I went to Kennedy (My old HS) and saw Michelle, and had no feelings so now I know I'm totally free if I can be around her and not even care.  That chapter of my life is closed. 

     So  I'm just sitting here on the computer with my cat Midnight....I'll get some pictures of him sooner or later. He's the greatest cat in the world..all black,huge, and short haired.  Right now he's tearing me apart because he's all happy and shit and diggin his claws into me. Anyways. I've had my sisters car the past few days because she went to New Jersey to see her mother and she rented a better car.  So I've been using hers..it's a shit box but it works. 

     Dez and I have been talking about a lot lately.  Getting a lot of things out in the open.  I have really strong feelings for her and I want things to work so I figure it would be good to get things out now before they become an issue in the future.  She considers this relationship "Advanced".LOL *shrugs*.  So yeah.. As mentioned in her Journal I did get jealous because she she hung out w/ her friend DK (w/e the fuck that is?) and yeah.  But I'm trusting her with my emotions. Am I making a Mistake? Possibly..but it's the chance you take when you get into a relationship.  I'm a Jealous kind of guy and if pushed too far...who knows what the results could be?  I don't know myself as well as I would like to think I do.  POEM TIME...

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The older I grow

The Wiser I grow

The more Mature I grow

...THE MORE I REALIZE...

That this world just isn't meant for me

It isn't deserving of what I have to offer

...THEN...

She came into my life

Someone of the same greatness

...THE SAME...

Passion

Strength

Pain

Suffering

...YOU BLEED...

For me

And I Will for you

...YOU CRY...

For me

And I will for you

...YOU ... DIE...

- Slowly With me -

Current Background Song : Otep - "Buried Alive"

Current Mood : Lonely

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     I knew my feelings were VERY strong for Dez, But never did I imagine they would be this strong. Not realized until I remembered I wasn't going to see her tomorrow..I know..it's like one day. But I'm So used to her being around that she's become a part of my everyday life - an Important part of my everyday life.  I feel so emptee without her.  I actually woke up early and went to her house to see her before she left to Massachusetts to stay w/ some family..I love when I'm with her, when I can look into her eyes..it's like .. For once I'm actually happy. I'm missing her so much right now.

I LOVE YOU DEZ!..

     So I'm noticing one person at a time that my Army of Shadow Soldiers is slowly growing. Hopefully there are enough GOOD journals out there to be a part of my army of darkness. Well I'm sleepy and I'm goin to head on to bed..

Current Background song : Otep - "Buried Alive"

Current Mood : Content

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Atleast You can Try

(and we will just be closer)

For one last time

(Let me fall into your arms)

It could be alright

(don't let us grow colder)

For this one last time

(let me be close to your heart)

H.I.M - "One Last Time"

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For those of you who are open minded.. I would like to suggest you check out H.I.M. "Razorblade Romance". It's an awesome CD it's dark, not really heavy, but the lyrics are beautifully written.

So on another note.  Dez and I are finally together. Somethin the world just isn't prepared for. Yep.. I'm happy about that. Now we can go on a few sprees..No better yet..everyone that I hate, should live on forever for they do not desearve anything as beautiful as death, They are not worthy. Hmm...I'm supposed to be gettin up early tomorrow, but..I'm still up, why? Because I'm writing in here..Fucker.  Nothing really exciting or new has happend to me other than Dez and I getting together which was previously stated. I want to write some poetry or something. No inspiration right now. Maybe later..well I'm gonna go..I'm chattin with friends.

Current Background Song : Otep - "Buried Alive"

Current Mood : Thinking of you

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Again another Post in the same night:

|     When I'm with you, Nothing else matters. All I care about is you, all I see is you, all I hear is you. Every kiss makes me feel like I'm going to burn from the inside, out. When you hold me I am prisoner to your hatred. When I look into your eyes it feels like my soul is being drawn out of my body, freeing me from my shell. If only you knew how beautiful you are inside and out. Your very existance leaves me in awe. The words I would love to tell you fail to escape my lungs,sqeezed tightly by your grandness. Forever shadowed by your darkness, I feel sheilded from the lies and deceit that light carries with it. Only you provide me with these immense securities.  Never imagining I would find someone Like you, I have fallen a long way down...

Current Background Song : Otep - "Buried Alive"

Current Mood : Non Existant

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"Your Love is a Razorblade kiss, sweetest is the taste from your lips" - H.I.M.

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Thinking of setting myself up for my own execution...Shall I proceed?  Fearing the worst can happen from a simple question; do I dare to ask?  Being afraid of what I could lose is only outweighed by what I have to gain.  Do I create the fear, or does the fear create me?  Greedy for your heart, your lust, your hatred, your blood.  Wanting it only for myself. Could that be considered selfishness, or justification for mutual feelings?  I shall soon see for I am willing to wager this current creation for the mutation of something darker, more beautiful than either of us could fathom in the sweetest of nightmares....

...+Drained+...

Current Background Song : Otep - "Buried Alive"

Current Mood : Uncertain

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|      With Only a paragraph, I was freed.  So overwelmed by the emotion I cannot think clearly enough to write. Where will things go from here with the current knowledge obtained through two spirits intertwining into a single existance through the confession of love? The look in your eyes should have given it away. I was blind to it because of the interferance of me trying to hide my true feelings, making a mask that could not be seen in, or out of.  Thank you for breaking through, to help me see.  Needing nothing more than your presance to sustain my hunger for happiness. You are all that I could have imagined.

FATIGUE SETTING IN...Need SLEEP

P.S. [Sigh]..I miss you.

Current Background Music : Otep - "Buried Alive"

Current Mood : Missing You So badly

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The Only Thing I can focus on, is the the thought of you; with me

The only thing more beautiful than your darkness; the light of your smile

The only thing more beautiful than the light of your smile; the depth in your eyes.

How I long to jump into the window of your soul to spend an eternity as part of you.

Needing you here in my arms, I'm yearning for your touch.

Desiring nothing more than a piece of your heart to call my own, in return you can have all of mine.

Willing to make your wounds, become mine; I will accept every drop of blood as if it were water replenishing the dehydration of my soul.

With every heartbeat screaming your name... will you answer?

I'm falling for you faster than an asteroid from the heavens, but yet I have no fear; why do I not fear it? That remains unknown. I have a sense of confidence..what that is? Remains unknown.

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That's the best way I can describe my feelings for HER. Atleast at this time and point..if she still doesn't know then I will have to try to get them across in other ways.  Words just can't describe an emotion.  Although I have given it what I feel is my best.

"She'll Be right here in my arms, So in love. She'll Be right here in these arms, she can't let go" - H.I.M. - "Right Here in my arms"

Off To I go to dream of you until we are united again. 

Oh yeah...a quick shout out to Lord Sephiroth for being one of the few ppl I don't know personally to leave feedback..

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